Saturday, October 11, 2008

Feeling Lost

Its been a week since we moved to Australia and somehow I feel like it's been more than that. My mother in law asked me this evening why I don't seem to be excited and just seem to be blah about everything. I know I'm not totally myself since we got here, but just haven't bothered to figure out what's wrong.

We've been to look at our house a few times now. It was really exciting when I saw it for the first time since our last trip. Its a monster of a house standing there in front of it. But the excitement quickly faded away when I stepped in and saw just how much work still needed to be done. I do get excited about things, but I'm a last minute kind of person. Just like when I go on a trip. I get excited when we're on the way to the airport and not before that. I think I'll be bursting with anticipation the day we're driving off to officially move into our new house. Right now I'm just handling the disappointment as the builders find more reasons for delays.

Another thing I've been dealing with in silence is the fear of driving here. I'm really happy about buying our new car. But that also means I finally have to face the reality of driving here. I've never been a driving kind of person. Even back in the US, whenever I would go on trips with friends, if someone offered to drive my car I would happily hand it over. I hated driving in San Francisco, because I would get all stressed out and nervous. And when I first started driving myself to work in Manila, I felt like I developed an ulcer with the stress of offensive driving. I was glad we didn't have a car in HK, because I now I would never be able to handle the confusing roads and highways there. Once we got lost while Pam was driving and all I could think of was how glad I was I wasn't at the wheel or I would have freaked out. And now I'm here, and have to drive on the other side of the road with a larger than usual sized car. Even on our way to Boy Wonder's school Open Day, all I could think of was how difficult it would be to drive the 10 minutes to his school from our house. I really need to start dealing with my driving anxiety.

I think another reason why I feel lost is due to the uncertainty of things at the moment. Although I'm extremely grateful my in-laws have welcomed us to stay with them until our house is done, its not knowing just how long we will have to impose on their kindness that gets to me. I want to be able to have control of having a set date or schedule. It sucks that we are at the mercy of them bloody builders and the weather.

And one last thing. I miss being able to just lift the phone and call one of my friends to have a chat with or go out and have lunch with. I wish I could just email them tonight and invite them over for lunch next week.

Anyways, I'll give myself more time. We'll be meeting up with some of Hubby's friends soon and maybe that'll help. I'll force myself to go for a drive with the kids tomorrow morning while Hubby is running at the Melbourne Marathon. Just need to figure out where to go!


Min said...

hope you get used to australia soon!!!

we are just a phone call away!!

or a text


Pam said...

awww... we're still just a phone call away. Or we can always do Skype for free video calls. Hope the blahs go away and the excitement of a new place to explore and get to know starts.

On the car ride we got lost at... I had to stay calm because I knew you were in the verge of panic. If you were calm, I'd probably be the one panicking. :)

Pam said...

Just noticed the new title of your blog... Funny and cute!

info said...

haha I didn't notice the title until I read Pam's comment!

Melbourne will grow on you. Like everything new, it will take time I guess.

We can skype, as Pam says.

I think one way to overcome driving anxiety is to keep on doing it until you're sanay and it becomes 2nd nature, also think na lang it's so much better there than in Mnaila haha- ragamuffin

midicrux said...

You know something? The last time I drove was when Sofia was 6 mos old and I was far too careful on the road, because she was at the back, in her car seat. I was terrified.

You're adjusting to the time zone, the weather, the elements. All understandable. One can't be all happy-happy-slap-me-happy all the time. :D

Esp...when one has left a huge chunk of oneself elsewhere.


mida :)