Friday, June 20, 2008

Dose Of Reality

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about this, but I need closure so I'm going to...

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. This was a complete shock because we thought we could never get pregnant without the help of taking Clomid. Since the pregnancy test I used came out really light, I went to see my OB a few days later to confirm it. During the ultrasound, we couldn't see a heartbeat, so my OB told me it must be too early in the pregnancy and to come back in 2 weeks.

With my last 2 pregnancies, we always saw a heartbeat straight away, so this time I couldn't help but feel something wasn't right. Also with the last 2 pregnancies, I felt sick not long after I found out I was pregnant. This time I felt perfectly fine. My skin also didn't clear up which added to my anxiety. My skin allergies completely went away when I got pregnant with Boy Wonder, so I was bummed out this time that that was not the case.

The 2 weeks finally came and I went to see my OB again last Friday. During the ultrasound it was even more difficult for her to find anything with the internal ultrasound "stick". And when she finally found it, it had shrunk abit and there was definitely no heartbeat. Although I felt bad at that moment, it was almost as if I was expecting it. My OB said she was sorry and recommended I get a D&C as soon as possible to take it out. So we scheduled one and I went in this Tuesday.

Hubby and I checked me in around noon and waited for them to take me into the operating room. I was really nervous, so I was really glad Hubby was able to take the day off and stay with me the whole time. He got me magazines and we did a cross word puzzle while we waited. When they finally walked me into the operating room, my nerves were all over the place. I was more freaked out about having to be put under general anesthesia then the procedure itself. They laid my down on the operating table then gave me an IV. The most painful part of the whole thing was when the anesthesia went into my arm! It really burns! But good thing I was completely knocked out after that. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery area then rolled back to my bed in the ward. Hubby was fast asleep on my bed, so we all had a chuckle when the nurse thought she had rolled me to the wrong bed.

We waited for about an hour then I was given something to eat. I was so hungry! I had not had anything to eat since 8am that morning. It was around 3:30pm by then. I wolfed down the big bowl of congee they brought and drank as much water as I could. They said I can leave when I am able to use the toilet, so I did my best to drink lots of water. Hubby was making sure I did because he said if we didn't leave soon he'll have to start drinking the warm beers and he didn't want to do that. Good thing for him it didn't take me long to use the bathroom, so we were out of there not too long after that.

It was good to go home that afternoon and see the kids. My first thought when I saw them was how thankful I am to already have 2 wonderful children. Although this third one was a false start, Hubby and I said we can always try again.

It only really hit me what had happened the last few days when I went to sleep that night. It was good to have a quiet cry in the dark and let it out. I was sad we missed out on what could have been, but thankful nature took its course early enough. I asked Hubby how he felt about it the next day and he said a colleague of his miscarried at six months a few months ago. When he thinks about that and compare it to what happened to us, it puts things into perspective.

At the moment I'm glad I've been given more time to baby Nachos. Besides, we've still got time and lot's of love to try again.

1 comment:

ragamuffin girl said...

Glad you were able to cry it out and blog about it. Closure is important. And you're right, there will be opportunities for more Anchovies and other food-related babies...... maybe a Foie Gras and Truffle perhaps? Or a Cheeseburger! :)