Friday, June 20, 2008

Dose Of Reality

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about this, but I need closure so I'm going to...

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. This was a complete shock because we thought we could never get pregnant without the help of taking Clomid. Since the pregnancy test I used came out really light, I went to see my OB a few days later to confirm it. During the ultrasound, we couldn't see a heartbeat, so my OB told me it must be too early in the pregnancy and to come back in 2 weeks.

With my last 2 pregnancies, we always saw a heartbeat straight away, so this time I couldn't help but feel something wasn't right. Also with the last 2 pregnancies, I felt sick not long after I found out I was pregnant. This time I felt perfectly fine. My skin also didn't clear up which added to my anxiety. My skin allergies completely went away when I got pregnant with Boy Wonder, so I was bummed out this time that that was not the case.

The 2 weeks finally came and I went to see my OB again last Friday. During the ultrasound it was even more difficult for her to find anything with the internal ultrasound "stick". And when she finally found it, it had shrunk abit and there was definitely no heartbeat. Although I felt bad at that moment, it was almost as if I was expecting it. My OB said she was sorry and recommended I get a D&C as soon as possible to take it out. So we scheduled one and I went in this Tuesday.

Hubby and I checked me in around noon and waited for them to take me into the operating room. I was really nervous, so I was really glad Hubby was able to take the day off and stay with me the whole time. He got me magazines and we did a cross word puzzle while we waited. When they finally walked me into the operating room, my nerves were all over the place. I was more freaked out about having to be put under general anesthesia then the procedure itself. They laid my down on the operating table then gave me an IV. The most painful part of the whole thing was when the anesthesia went into my arm! It really burns! But good thing I was completely knocked out after that. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery area then rolled back to my bed in the ward. Hubby was fast asleep on my bed, so we all had a chuckle when the nurse thought she had rolled me to the wrong bed.

We waited for about an hour then I was given something to eat. I was so hungry! I had not had anything to eat since 8am that morning. It was around 3:30pm by then. I wolfed down the big bowl of congee they brought and drank as much water as I could. They said I can leave when I am able to use the toilet, so I did my best to drink lots of water. Hubby was making sure I did because he said if we didn't leave soon he'll have to start drinking the warm beers and he didn't want to do that. Good thing for him it didn't take me long to use the bathroom, so we were out of there not too long after that.

It was good to go home that afternoon and see the kids. My first thought when I saw them was how thankful I am to already have 2 wonderful children. Although this third one was a false start, Hubby and I said we can always try again.

It only really hit me what had happened the last few days when I went to sleep that night. It was good to have a quiet cry in the dark and let it out. I was sad we missed out on what could have been, but thankful nature took its course early enough. I asked Hubby how he felt about it the next day and he said a colleague of his miscarried at six months a few months ago. When he thinks about that and compare it to what happened to us, it puts things into perspective.

At the moment I'm glad I've been given more time to baby Nachos. Besides, we've still got time and lot's of love to try again.

Monday, June 09, 2008

My "Free" Sandwich

This is my gluten-free, wheat-free, yeast-free and dairy-free ham and cheese sandwich. It's been a few months now since I've been on my allergen-free diet. It's been tough and although I've found a few places that specializes in allergen-free products, its still tough finding the right foods to fill my tummy up with. So when I made this sandwich the other day, I thought I should take a picture of it, just to signify how far I've come.

But then I took a bite of it and realized I still have a long way to go. It didn't help either that I was reading Christao408's blog on his experimental sour dough bread while eating it because it made me realize just how crap my "free" bread tasted. Believe me, somethings can taste like cardboard even though no one has really eaten cardboard to compare. In the end I just ate the ham and soy-cheese and threw the bread away. I'm almost afraid to give the rest of the loaf a try. And it wasn't cheap either!

I wonder it there's a really good beef-free, gluten-free, wheat-free, dairy-free cheese burger out there?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The Best Birthday Gift EVER

I have been a fan of George Michael since as long as I can remember. An old classmate of mine introduced me to Wham! when I was in the 5th grade and I have been mesmerized ever since. I have memorized every Wham! song lyric from each individual oh and ah to most of George Michael's songs. I can't say I'm a fanatic since I don't know his birthday, what his favorite color or dish is. All I can say is that everytime I hear his voice, it sooths my soul. When George Michael performed in the finals of American Idol, I knew right away he must have a cold or something because his voice didn't sound right. And of course at the end of his number he apologized because he had a cold. I was almost in tears watching him sing that night. It has been AGES since I've seen any of his performances on TV. So when I realized he was starting a tour in the US, I forwarded the link to Hubby just to have a whine because I was here in HK and not there.

Hubby must have sensed the utter longing in my voice, because just the other night he presented me with tickets to Dallas to watch the George Michael concert for my birthday!!! Although I had an inkling what he was up to, seeing the actual tickets almost made me cry. Hubby is the most wonderful man on this planet. He said although he won't be able to go with me because someone had to stay to watch the kids, he thought a trip by myself would be a good break.

I CAN NOT believe it. After years and years of dreaming about someday watching George Michael perform live, I will actually get to do it!!!