Thursday, June 07, 2007

I'm The Wimp

When I exited our building a few mornings ago to go to the gym, a few school buses were picking up kids around Boy Wonder's age. I couldn't help but stop for a moment and watch the moms and helpers see their kiddies off. There was one boy who was crying and didn't want to let go of his mom's leg. The bus daddy had to come down and lift him into the bus, all while the boy was still crying. I looked at the mom and she had no expression on her face. I'm sure it was tough for her to put up a strong face. I was surprised at how emotional I suddenly got watching what happened and quickly walked away.

I don't know why, but Boy Wonder's impending start of school in August is beginning to get to me very unexpectedly. I was kidding around alot about how I'll be crying harder than him the day I have to see him off on the school bus, but this morning confirmed that I really just might be the one more emotional that day.

At the moment I'm actually 50-50 in terms of wanting him to start school or just delay until the day we move to Australia. I thought I was 95% sure its the right thing to do, but now just the thought of not having him around for the WHOLE afternoon every week is daunting. I'm afraid he'll hate school, or he'll be mad at me for sending him away or he'll be too tired to go to school everyday. Is school every afternoon for a 3 year old too much or am I just being the wimp?

I've been spending more time with Boy Wonder lately since Nachos has finally settled into an almost predictable nap schedule. For the past few days, I've been taking Boy Wonder out just him and me in the mornings, everyday. It's been nice spending more time with him again. Maybe that is also what's softened me up again. He's also been extra clingy since Hubby left on a 2 week business trip. Maybe he's afraid I'll suddenly go away too and not come back for a long time. Whatever the reason, I've been trying very hard to rekindle the closeness we had before Nachos came along. I just hope this closeness is isn't what's going to break me into pieces the day Boy Wonder goes off on that school bus.

But after thinking things through a bit more about why I'm feeling this way I think it boils down to the fact that I didn't like school at all when I was a kid. All I can remember about my first days in school were loneliness and sadness. I remember being picked on by some older kids everyday and not having any friends. Somehow I fear Boy Wonder might go through the same thing. And it kills me that I might not be able to do anything to help him out.

Boy Wonder starts school around the first week of August. I'll be bringing him and staying with him for the one hour session for the first week. The following week will be 2 hours instead of one and then the third week will be the full 3 hours. After that I no longer bring him to school and he will be picked up by the bus instead. This gentle ease into school life is great at least and I think it not only helps new students like Boy Wonder, but wimpy moms like me.

So the thought of Boy Wonder starting school looms above me everyday. I'm really hoping I'm just making a big deal out of nothing and Boy Wonder will love school the way I never did.

1 comment:

ragamuffin girl said...

your not the wimp, just the loving mom who knows that the best educ is spending quality time with your kid...beats school and teachers I say. but then again kids like to socialize with others their age, it helps them open up so Sammy might realize he likes school and all the activities after all. it will at least make whatever time you spend together extra special.