Wednesday, June 27, 2007

So Different

Excuse me as I get nostalgic again...

I just got back from a week long trip to Manila last weekend. I friend of mine was getting married and Hubby also needed to visit the Manila branch of his company, so we thought it was a trip worth taking. Hubby only stayed for 2 days then he left for Australia with Boy Wonder, giving me the chance to do some catching up with my friends and any pampering I wanted with Nachos in tow.

Of course not long after Hubby left, I realized it would be impossible to get any pampering done with a baby still semi-attached to my boobs. The only time I could utilize her "off" button was after 8pm. So one evening after I came home early enough, I scheduled a home massage service and boy was it good! But other than that, I didn't have the time nor the opportunity to get my eye brows threaded, have a facial, manicure, pedicure, foot scrub, etc. Everything I would love to get done whenever I'm in Manila. Good thing the bride was a hair stylist, so at least I was able to get my hair cut a few days after the wedding. Oh, but she said it was the first time she cut anybody's hair who was breastfeeding at the same time.

One of the things I was able to do though was go back to my old apartment in Pasig and pack up a few things. After looking through all the closets, I thought the only thing worth taking were all the pictures I took from grade school up until I met Chris. I think I started the trend amongst my friends in having a camera in my bag wherever I went. Others have their kikay kits with them, I have my camera. I never left home without it. And because of that, I took hundreds of pictures.

It was great looking through some of the albums while dumping them into a box. There were quite a few pictures I didn't even remember where it was taken. Then there were the few albums I felt it was better left behind... but not forgotten. Gosh, parts of my life I'm so happy I've moved on from, and people I've moved away from. And of course there were also pictures taken with my ex boyfriends which I think would be best left behind as well.

I showed some of my pictures when I got to my friend Ding's house where I was staying. We both said how great we looked during her wedding. I always tell her I felt I was much prettier during her wedding than my own wedding. And we are both always amazed at how skinny she was during her wedding! We also looked through some of our college pictures. There was one which was taken the evening of a formal dance we went too. It was funny looking at the couples and thinking about the musical chairs we have played in terms of who started out with whom and who actually ended up with whom in the end. People are always amazed at the fact that Ding, who is one of my closest friends, ended up marrying my first boyfriend. Some people might think that's totally weird, but I feel they are perfect for each other. Why get in the way of 2 people's happiness for something so childish or narrow minded?

It was also quite interesting how I bumped into/met 4 of my colleagues from my last job in Manila. I bumped into my former boss the first night I was there, then I met up with Penny whom I haven't seen in 6 years, then John who was our sales guru who is now dating an actress. The most interesting was Rick, whom I bumped into while waiting for our table at Abe. He said he is engaged now and introduced me to his fiance. I almost cracked a joke and had to totally control myself. Rick once told me he didn't want to get married because then he'd have to start making his own money and not depend on his parents. Boy did I have to bite my tongue and not make a side comment about that. haha!

So anyways, though it was not as relaxing a trip as I hoped it would be, it was great catching up with my friends, attend a wedding and think back at those good ol' days.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Gallery Betts

During Hubby's latest business trip to a few eastern European countries, he was able to buy 2 paintings in Bulgaria. Its not often Hubby sees a painting he likes, let alone a collection of paintings that catches his eyes. The gallery he walked past was part of the hotel he was staying in, so he asked about them and sent me the link to their gallery. We decided on these 2 paintings to start our collection.

Instead of shipping them, Hubby hand carried them all the way home. They look even better in person. Now I'm looking forward to expanding our collection.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Not Ready To Make Nice

I'm not the country music type of person in general, but there are a few specific country songs that I like. It's been awhile since one of them has grabbed me as much as this one by the Dixie Chicks.

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind saying
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut and sing
Or my life will be over

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I agree that sometimes it's ok to just be mad and not have to forgive and forget. Because how can something that took a lifetime to be nurtured be forgotten in a few months or even a few years?

The first time I actually paid attention and listened to the lyrics of this song, I felt as if the writer had placed my feelings on paper. I thought I was being strong and mature to push myself to move on, but hearing this song made me realize that sometimes when something means so much, its ok to stay mad. And although time will supposedly ease the pain and lessen the anger, I too am still waiting for that to happen.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

I'm The Wimp

When I exited our building a few mornings ago to go to the gym, a few school buses were picking up kids around Boy Wonder's age. I couldn't help but stop for a moment and watch the moms and helpers see their kiddies off. There was one boy who was crying and didn't want to let go of his mom's leg. The bus daddy had to come down and lift him into the bus, all while the boy was still crying. I looked at the mom and she had no expression on her face. I'm sure it was tough for her to put up a strong face. I was surprised at how emotional I suddenly got watching what happened and quickly walked away.

I don't know why, but Boy Wonder's impending start of school in August is beginning to get to me very unexpectedly. I was kidding around alot about how I'll be crying harder than him the day I have to see him off on the school bus, but this morning confirmed that I really just might be the one more emotional that day.

At the moment I'm actually 50-50 in terms of wanting him to start school or just delay until the day we move to Australia. I thought I was 95% sure its the right thing to do, but now just the thought of not having him around for the WHOLE afternoon every week is daunting. I'm afraid he'll hate school, or he'll be mad at me for sending him away or he'll be too tired to go to school everyday. Is school every afternoon for a 3 year old too much or am I just being the wimp?

I've been spending more time with Boy Wonder lately since Nachos has finally settled into an almost predictable nap schedule. For the past few days, I've been taking Boy Wonder out just him and me in the mornings, everyday. It's been nice spending more time with him again. Maybe that is also what's softened me up again. He's also been extra clingy since Hubby left on a 2 week business trip. Maybe he's afraid I'll suddenly go away too and not come back for a long time. Whatever the reason, I've been trying very hard to rekindle the closeness we had before Nachos came along. I just hope this closeness is isn't what's going to break me into pieces the day Boy Wonder goes off on that school bus.

But after thinking things through a bit more about why I'm feeling this way I think it boils down to the fact that I didn't like school at all when I was a kid. All I can remember about my first days in school were loneliness and sadness. I remember being picked on by some older kids everyday and not having any friends. Somehow I fear Boy Wonder might go through the same thing. And it kills me that I might not be able to do anything to help him out.

Boy Wonder starts school around the first week of August. I'll be bringing him and staying with him for the one hour session for the first week. The following week will be 2 hours instead of one and then the third week will be the full 3 hours. After that I no longer bring him to school and he will be picked up by the bus instead. This gentle ease into school life is great at least and I think it not only helps new students like Boy Wonder, but wimpy moms like me.

So the thought of Boy Wonder starting school looms above me everyday. I'm really hoping I'm just making a big deal out of nothing and Boy Wonder will love school the way I never did.